“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver
I’ve been awake, easily since 4 am. It’s 5oclock now and I finally decided just to get out of bed. It’s Sunday morning and I can already hear the stirrings of others awake outside my window and I cannot help but wonder what brings them to be about before dawn has even whispered her first breath.
So many things have gone through my mind lately. It has been a difficult season and I’ve allowed a lot of frustration and doubt to fill my empty spaces. Instead of just remembering to let go and trust that life unfolds as it should most of the time, whether we actively intervene or not.
For the last 4 months (the entire first half of the growing season) I have been practically incapacitated. The first trimester of this pregnancy was my most difficult yet and I have been useless to the goings on of the farm. Our gardens have been through hell, unfortunately not to return: our seeds greedily attacked by squirrels before they could even try to discover their roots, young seedlings that we took such care to early start brutally hammered by one freak hailstorm after another, and our established plants that had promise of thriving have for the most part been desecrated by skunks. And I, laid up with horrendous nausea followed by a wicked month long sinus infection and near pneumonia could do nothing to thwart the disaster. My immune system seems to crash with these babies no matter what I do to encourage function.
Niko and I had a date night last night. A much overdue event. I think an occasional date night is very important in a marriage, especially one with children. It reminds you that you are still husband and wife, man and woman, human beings with clear thought and brain power, not to mention a little bit of sensuality. You know, those things that can often be overshadowed by the everyday facets of work to pay the bills and parenthood. The latter being so consuming that not much exists outside of it. Which is, of course, how it should be. For those of us that choose to be parents, it’s the most important job there is. We’re growing and shaping a piece of the future.
Anyway, it was a lovely evening with good food and wine (I only had 1 glass), and nice mellow conversation. Niko is excited about a new venture he is about to undertake (I’ll let him explore that with you) and we talked about the farm.
Things are moving forward with the farm. Though difficult and nerve wracking and scary, they continue to move forward. Our fundraising efforts have almost become non-existent. When I got so sick neither of us had the time (Niko) or energy (me) to push on. Now that I’m better and there is not so much pressure on him to keep us afloat, we can focus again on that intention. It seems appropriate, as the New Moon is rising today and it is once again time to focus on actively pursuing your dreams.
The light is coming now and I hear the birds singing their morning chorus. There is much to do today. We have company coming and the house needs cleaning, the animals and farm tending to… There are dreams to manifest and life to reclaim. It’s a very full day.
Remember what it is you want from this life and go get it. Happy Sunday and Blessed New Moon.